Modern Day Motorhead

Has Anyone Seen That Guy...

2005-12-08T19:46:00.000-05:00

...that usually posts stuff here?

I apologize to you my loyal readers for not posting in a while. (Do I actually have any "loyal" readers? If so, feel free to drop me a line @ lbhurstolds@comcast.net)

I'm pleased to announce that just a little over 3 weeks ago, my twin boy and girl were born. They're both beautiful and healthy as is mom.

Needless to say, I've been very busy with family life. We've got our hands full here (literally -- did you ever feed two 3-week old babies at once at 3AM?). The wife and I have to do it in shifts, otherwise, neither of us gets to sleep much.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a note that even though I've gone on a bit of a hiatus, I do plan to be back once the kiddies start sleeping a little longer and don't need to eat every 2 or 3 hours. I've got about 4 or 5 articles that I've started over the last year that need to be finished up. I plan to start with those and come back with a bang when I do actually get back.

Happy Holidays to everyone, and I'll see you all real soon.

Later,
Lee

Lee Boorse is a Big Fat Phony

2005-09-07T22:12:00.000-05:00

I'm Lee if you haven't figured that out yet...

I've been reading some of Al Franken's works lately. If you're familiar with Al Franken, you can understand how I came up with the title of this article. Yes, Al is the guy from Saturday Night Live that played Stuart Smalley, the character that said, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." But that quote doesn't really have anything to do with his books, nor does any of this have anything to do with this article. I guess I'm getting a little off-topic here.

Wow, I just finished the first paragraph and already I'm off-topic. Maybe I'm skirting the issue here... wait, what issue?

Well, you know... remember back when I said something about what my next car would be? I said something like, "It'll be a GM." I think I recall something about an Impala SS. And... um... remember in my very first post in this here 'blog I said something about big brooding V-8 cars? Yeah... that was great.

Anyway, gotta go now!!! C-ya!

Ahem...

I did something very out of character this past weekend. "Change of life" indeed. If I've accumulated any sense of a regular audience for this 'blog, I'm probably about to alienate every single one of you.

I bought a new (to me) car. Nope, it's not an Impy SS, and it's not a V-8. It's not even a Supercharged Pontiac as I've eluded to in the past. I bought a... um... Jaguar.

What was that? Yes, yes, I said a Jaguar. A 2003 X-Type to be specific.

For most people, this wouldn't be something to be embarrassed about. As a matter of fact, most folks would be proud. Actually, I am very proud of my purchase, but I'm still a little ashamed to talk about it here in front of all you gear-headed grease-monkeys.

Ok, we all knew my Dakota R/T was going to be history. No way to fit two baby seats in the back and get those babies in and out easily in any way, shape, or form. I had my heart set on a Dark Cherry Metallic 1996 Impala SS. I kept my eyes peeled for months.

I saw one in the car ads one day not too far from me for a very good price and very decent mileage. It was sold the next day. Months went by and still nothing. Time to broaden my search.

I looked at the SC'd Pontiacs like I wanted, but felt like I had already done that. One of my former cars was a 1998 Grand Prix GTP. FAASSSSTTT!!! But alas, it was time to try something different. I set my price-point at $20K, and started searching.

What the... did you know you could find a used Jaguar X-type with good mileage and a lot of options for under $20,000? I sure didn't. There's got to be something wrong with it. I searched the web for more cars at this same figure and found a few more X-types with similar mileage and price. Wow! What the heck, let's test-drive one!

I'm a sucker for a slick car. I arrived at the first dealer to find the Red X-type Sport that I first wanted to look at was already sold. They had another similar one, but it was a couple bucks over my price range. I still felt like I really needed to check one out.

I moved on to the next dealer to come upon a Quartz Metallic (Charcoal Gray to the laymen), X-type 2.5 with a 5-speed. It's the very one in the photo in my driveway above.

In my only defense to the grease-monkeys (if you're actually still reading), it IS a 5-speed. I just love to row my own. People say I'll get tired of driving a stick after a while, but only time will tell. I'm loving it right now. And in either case, the car is mine for the next five years... as long as I'm paying for it.

I really can't defend myself to anyone here. I just simply fell in love with this car. And it took me 12 hours to come to terms with the idea of buying it. You should of seen me the night after I first went to look at it. I was a wreck!!! This is in stark contrast to how this type of thing usually works out. I'm usually the one walking into the dealer and jumping at the first deal the salesman makes while the wife is chewing her nails off. This time around she simply said, "go ahead and get it, we can afford it." I was the one pacing up and down the hall of our house and losing sleep.

Could I really see myself driving a Jaguar? What it all comes down to is that fact that I want my two new future children to be safe. This is a car that I know has the very latest of every safety feature imaginable for an automobile in this price range. And ignoring that, the 5-speed makes it a scream to drive.

By the way, the twins... one's a boy, and one's a girl!!

Anyway, just because I'm driving a Jag now, doesn't mean I'm not still a motorhead at heart. I've decided that I wouldn't seem too pretentious as long as I didn't pronounce it, "Jag-U-Ah."

Does this make me a phony?

"So what will happen to this 'blog," you ask? Not a damn thing. It will remain just as it is. Some personal anecdotes along with some motorhead ideas and ramblings. I've got a few half-written articles in the works now that I really need to get down to finishing. There's some good commentary (at least I think it's good) coming up and I'm still planning to take a crack at some standard, magazine-style feature articles. Muscle-car feature articles, I promise.

If you've read this 'blog from the start, you'll know that this is all a huge personal experiment for me. Hopefully you'll all stay tuned to see how it turns out.

Things That Make Me Say "Fudge"

2005-08-02T16:25:00.000-05:00

There's so many little things (and some not so little things) that really bug me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm very tired this week. I spent almost an entire 48-hour period from last Sunday night to Tuesday night awake in front of my PC, only stopping to take an occasional quick nap, grab a bite to eat, or drive to the office or back home again. Information techonology is a wonderful field to work in as long as you don't have to do the 24-hour support thing.

Well, now I'm very tired, and by tired I mean grumpy. Some guy cut me off this morning. He was in the far right lane and I was in the left. We were both merging right on to a main road and simultaneously trying to make it to the far left turning lane. He actually weaved around other cars that were sitting still to get in front of me. Since then, all I can do is think of the many, many things that just drive me nuts.

The fact that I can't afford to by a new full-size American car for my soon-to-be, brand-new family of four (up from the current two). C'mon, $36,000 for a Bonneville? Thank heaven for "employee discounts for everyone." The Big Three should take hint from themselves, your cars are too fudging expensive.

People who talk on cell-phones while driving. Pull over or hang up!!!

People who can't drive. You know what I'm talking about. You see these people driving and wonder to yourself, "how in the world did this person get their license?" I think everyone should have to take their drivers exam, and I mean the actual driving part, every 4 years.

People who forget that yellow means yield and red means stop... yes, even the first 10 seconds of red. Not only is it dangerous not to follow this rule, but it's just down-right inconsiderate. That's right, I'm talking to you, the guy who's the first person to lay on their horn when someone in the opposing left-turn-only lane comes through long after your light has turned green. You didn't like it, so why are you doing the same thing?

People who drive more than 15 or 20 mph in a parking lot. There's fudging people walking here. Lot's of 'em, mostly moms with little kids. Try not to mow any down when you're leaving Walmart!

People who aren't driving with the flow of traffic and aren't in the far right lane with their flashers on. Sure the speed-limit is 55, but you're driving at a nice, law-obiding 50 while everyone else is doing 70. You may be the only one obeying the traffic law, but I'm the one that's going to get killed by one of the people swerving into my lane to get around you. If you can't keep up, at least move the fudge over.

People who take up more than one spot in a parking lot. There's two varieties: the person who intentionally takes two spaces to keep their shiny new 'Stang Cobra from getting scratched, and the other who is just too inconsiderate to stay between the lines when they pull into their space. For the former, just because you spent $40K on your car, and I spent $13K on mine, doesn't mean I don't want my car to get scratched by some inconsiderate fudge-nut any less than you do. As for the latter, well, you're probably that inconsiderate fudge-nut.

Spoofed web-pages that are just there to sell you something. These are the sites in a list of search results that have the hyphenated web address but seem to have an official sounding title. When you open one of these pages, it's just a list of links to ads that will probably end up loading spy-ware or viruses on to your PC. I found the first 8 out of 10 links on Yahoo were this type of page when I did a search for "Mustang Cobra" to look up the price in the last paragraph. At this point, I still don't know if that price is accurate. I could go on about all the things that bug me about the internet, but this is a car site, so I'll try to keep it to that. But remember, I'm tired, so I may veer off here and there.

Building on that "staying in one space" topic, if you don't know how to easily park your Suburban in between other cars at the mall, then you probably shouldn't be driving it. You're probably the same person who can't seem to stay in one lane when making a left in one of those double left turning lanes. Again, retake the drivers test every 4 years. And if you're going to purchase an SUV, you should be required to pass a special exam before you can even test-drive it.

Vehix.com TV commercials. Are these the most annoying commercials on TV or what? Great concept you got there... "what people really want to do when looking at a car" or some crap like that. The very worst example has to be the spot with the lady who goes in the side door of the minivan and starts spinning around back and forth to get the "360-degree view" of the interior. Yeah, I know I've always wanted to do that... fudge!!!

That 120-year old dancing nut-job on the Six Flags commercials. Make it stop for crying out loud!!!

Last, but not least, this one's for all my Olds buddies out there. It's pronounced "Four-Four-Two." It's not "Four Forty-two" and it's not the size of any engine Oldsmobile ever built. The worst is hearing some alleged automotive expert on a Saturday afternoon TV show about cars pronounce it wrong. I guess I should give him some credit for at least acknowledging the existence of Oldsmobile and featuring one on his show. On second thought...

FUDGE!!!!!

Hey!! Send me an email and tell me what makes you say "Fudge." I'll post some of the best submissions in a future article. Please keep it car related and try to keep it somewhat clean.

Modern Muscle

2005-06-30T20:35:00.000-05:00

Modern Muscle-cars. Some think the entire notion is a farce. Others embrace the technologically advanced, although very few pavement pounders Detroit has given us in the last 10 years or so.

The very notion of "muscle car" was derived from a no-frills intermediate sized auto with a big car engine. There are those who cannot accept an auto as a muscle-car when the price tag on such a car could be in excess of $30K. Still others can't fathom a muscle car with air-conditioning, cruise control, and just about power everything.

I can relate to those purists, but, on the other hand, I drool at the site of a new Pontiac GTO, the new generation Mustang, and the '94-'96 Chevy Impala SS. There are many of you out there who are just like me. I like the modern muscle-car just as much as the traditional variety. What's really amazing is how most of today's Detroit muscle is faster and at the same time more fuel efficient than yesterday's iron.

Why is it then that Detroit doesn't seem to keep these cars around for very long? Aside from a few perennial speedsters like the Mustang and GM F-body, most of the muscle out there is usually introduced as a special edition and is gone in just a few years. Even now, the just-mentioned F-body Camaro and Firebird have disappeared from GM's line-up. They join the '94-'96 Impala SS, and Buick Grand Nationals in a long line of gone-but-not-forgotten drag-strip terrors.

If you look beyond the traditional V-8 car, even the GMC Syclone/Typhoon, Dodge Ram SS/T and Dakota R/T have vanished. The future of the Ford SVT Lightning is even up in the air at the moment.

As you've noticed, most of the casualties are GM models, but the case is the same across all of the big three. However, GM seems to be the offender time after time. Daimler-Chrysler seems to be coming around by putting the 340-plus horsepower Hemi in just about everything but the Neon. The current Ford Mustang is pure genius. Still, it's too soon to know if these will become victims of the same modern muscle car curse.

The excuses the Big Three use to justify the axing of such vehicles ranges from "the buyers want family cars and SUVs" to the increased popularity of imports. The most common excuse is that there is no interest in the consumer market for these cars.

I don't believe that this logic holds water... well not exactly anyway. These cars are very popular amongst those exposed to them. In my opinion, the real problem is the lack of exposure of these cars to those who would be interested in them.

What is it that made the muscle-cars of the 60's and 70's as popular as they were? It was quite simply grass-roots racing and its exposure to the public. Drag-racing, road-racing, and stock-car racing were wildly popular. And the exciting part? You could walk into a showroom and purchase pretty much the same car you watched win the races on the weekend.

Everyone has heard the slogan "win on Sunday, sell on Monday." Even if the potential buyer thought that the race-version of the model they saw win on the weekend was impractical, it was still enough to get them into the showroom to purchase a more practical version of that model, or even a different model all-together.

Detroit needs to bring these cars back, and bring them back for good. The Camaro and Mustang have both shown that we can have lightning quick cars and still meet increasingly stringent EPA standards.

But how will they get the exposure? Well, it all is easier said than done, but it can happen. Mid-size family sedans are mildly popular in the American car market, but suffer from competing with their import counterparts. Why are these even selling when they're usually more expensive than their Japanese brethren? Quite simply, NASCAR. These models get the most racing exposure. No one can relate to the, and I use the term lightly, pro-stock drag cars. And as for road-racing? There's not much happening there that the Big Three are even remotely involved in, unless it's a Corvette or a Viper. And, let's be honest, how many out there are interested in road racing?

My suggestion is to put the "stock" back into stock car. Daimler-Chrysler is on the right track by putting the rear-wheel drive Charger back into NASCAR's Nextel Cup series. Can the manufacturers make a race car that more closely resembles the actual production car? Both GM and D-C are putting V-8's back into the intermediate sized cars. Rear-wheel drive and longitudinally mounted V-8's would be the next step.

In this technologically advanced world, I'm sure the race-car builders could design a tube-frame chassis that could fit factory sheetmetal (and yeah... I mean real sheet metal). Sure the cars would be heavier, but maybe this would be a more viable way of slowing the cars down as opposed to restrictor plates on feather-light cars.

Drag racing is getting there. Yes, NHRA and IHRA are the biggest draw, but organizations like the NMCA/PRO are gaining popularity. In this case, corporate sponsorship would be a bad thing. However, if the manufacturers built a car based on a currently available model, that was just about race-ready and "not for street use" (i.e. the 1960's Super-Stock Dodges), and could compete in the NMCA, perhaps a buzz would build around these cars that would bring more people into the showrooms.

Sure, I'm not an engineer. I'm sure I'm oversimplifying it all. I just think that in this market where "retro" cars are the latest rage, maybe a "retro" approach to marketing and selling cars would give our American car companies a boost, and bring back more cars that enthusiasts like myself want to buy.

Change of Life

2005-06-15T20:23:00.000-05:00

A "Change of Life." That's what the health insurance companies call it. It's rather appropriate to say the least. In my case, it's actually a vast understatement.

A few months ago, my wife, Carrie, and I found out we were pregnant. Ok, not really "we." She's the one that's pregnant... My gut's just making me look pregnant.

Very soon after we found out that we were going to have a baby, we got some even bigger news. It's twins! We were very excited when we found out we were pregnant. However, we were a bit dumbfounded when we were told there were two. All of the preparations. Two of everything. Two cribs, two sets of diapers, formula for two, twin strollers, and two car seats. (Two day care payments, two cars when they turn 16, two graduations, two college tuitions, two weddings... I could go on and on and on...)

Two car seats... hmm... how am I... how do... how will they fit? In my truck, I mean. How do I get two car seats in there. It's a truck, albeit an extended cab. It's got a full bench back seat, but I'm not sure about getting two infant seats in there.

In the initial plan, the one that entailed rearing one baby at a time, it worked out fine. An infant seat would fit in the front with the airbag off, and once the baby was old enough to fit in an upright child seat, he or she would move to the back. We had it all worked out. It would be tight, but I'd only need to fit the baby when Carrie wasn't around. We planned to take her Vibe if we were going on a family trip.

All of our thoughts and plans are being uprooted now. Not only with the truck, but just about everything else too. Much to my wife's distress, (and of course my own) we're going to have to give up the R/T. I love my truck. It's my "modern muscle car." Not to mention, it hauls in more ways than one. How am I going to get all that new baby furniture home without my truck?

My wife's the money person in the family, so you can understand her concern. In addition to everything we need to buy for two babies, I'm going to have to find another vehicle. Something more in line with a family sedan. You will never see me driving a minivan, and I'm not a big fan of most SUVs.

A Durango R/T would be the logical switch, but I'm just about tired of gassing up the Dakota with it costing as much as it does right now. The only thing saving me right now is my 5-mile "commute" to work. I can't for the life of me understand how people that drive gas-guzzling SUVs commute 15, 20, 30 miles for work every day. With what they spend in gas every month, I could easily put my dream '68 Hurst/Olds in the garage... and that includes financing both the car and the construction of the garage!

I need something with a little better mileage. I'm not looking for a hybrid or anything, but something that would get me closer 20 miles per gallon would be nice.

I'm very particular about what I drive. I need something to keep within the "muscle car" realm. It's what I like. I do like to drag race on occasion (always at the track, NEVER on the street). Something that can do the quarter in the 14's is a lot of fun to me, but of course, it's got to be decent on gas, and easily fit two baby seats in back.

I think I've got it narrowed down. My aunt drives a Mercury Grand Marquis. Ok, not the typical muscle car. But it's a solid car with a V-8 (pretty much what's under the hood of the Mustang, at least up until this year). But nah, it's got to be a little cooler looking that that.

What about a Marauder you say? It's Mercury's "hot-rodded" Grand Marquis. Unfortunately, that's a bit out of my price range for now. I've got to keep the price tag under $20K. And despite my current driver being a Dodge Truck, I'm a devout GM car guy. If I'm not going to be driving a truck, I'm going to be driving a Pontiac, Chevy, Buick, or Olds.

I've always admired the Impala SS. Not the new front-wheel drive version either. I'm thinking more of the 1994 to 1996 vintage. This has got to be one of the coolest cars to come out of Detroit in the 90's and I might even venture to say since the 70's, even up until today (save for the aforementioned Mustang... but that won't fit two car seats).

My second choice would be, and bare with me you motorheads, a 2002 40th Anniversary Pontiac Grand Prix GTP. (If only they made the GTO with 4 doors and sold it under $20k... They don't, quit dreaming). The supercharged V-6 lacks the awesome sound of the V-8 rumble, but makes up for it in straight-line speed. The Wide-Track GP's cornering ain't all that bad either. These things hustle, and I've got the stock 14.54 second quarter mile time slip to prove it. My previous car was a '98 GTP. Throw a couple hundred bucks in bolt-ons at it, and you've got a reliable, viable, practical, bonifide, 13-second baby-hauler.

And the look of the 40th anniversary model... very, very cool.

I hope I didn't loose the die-hard motorheads with that last paragraph. It's just that (Peter Brady impression on) "when it's time to change, you've got to rearrange."

Two babies... wow! I still can't get over it. Well, whatever my next ride may be, I can only hope that it will have that modern-muscle feel. That would make me happy... but honestly, all that doesn't even matter to me right now...

The one thing... no, actually it's two things that will make me happiest... my two healthy baby boys or girls.

-Lee

Murphy's Law (part 2)

2005-04-20T17:49:00.000-05:00

To Paraphrase "Letters to Cleo"
Just livin' on a Sunday Mornin'
Get my toast and tea and I'm warmin'
I just thought I'd think about... Getting my butt outside and start working on my truck...

No watchin' the enthusiast shows on TV today. My enthusiasm's just about spent anyway after yesterday.

After fiddling with the "universal" mounting brackets for the fan for about an hour and a half, I finally settle on a configuration that I think might work. The trick is to get the "L" brackets hooked under the radiator without taking the radiator out of the truck. Wouldn't you know it, I'm in luck, I can wedge them in there quite simply. Maybe Murphy will leave me alone today.

I spend another hour drilling the bottom of the fan to bolt from the inside (don't worry, it's made to do it that way, honest). Another 15 minutes and it's bolted on. Time to wire this thing up and get it going.

The instructions were unbelievably clear on the wiring details. It only took me about 30 minutes to get it all together. Final step, plug in the fuse and warm up the truck. Nice!

According to the directions, I set the thermostat to the highest setting and let the truck warm up to where I would like the fan to turn on. I get into the cab and turn her over. Crank up the AC to get the motor warmed up quicker. 150... 160... 170... 180... Perfect, let's turn down the thermostat until the fan turns on.

Very slowly, I start turning the control knob on the thermostat to the left. Slowly now... Slowly... I'm about halfway down now... I have to be close to 180 degrees soon, don't I? Turn some more. Nothing is happening. I now have the thermostat on the lowest setting, and nothing. Not a peep from the fan.

Ok, let's retrace my steps... Ground to fan, ok... Ground to battery, ok... Red positive wire to fan... Looks good, red positive to battery... Looks good too. Positive wire to thermostat... That's just fine. The last thing to check (why didn't I check it first??) is the fuse. Hmm... It's blown. That's odd, you'd think it at least come on for a second before it blew the fuse.

I pull the fuse out and set the thermostat to where I think it might be on. Actually, now I notice that I can hear a click on the thermostat when it gets to the right temperature. Very good, at least I know that part is working. I stick the new fuse in and immediately it pops.

Time to go back and double check the wiring. Hmm... The positive battery terminal is a little corroded, I'll try another connection that's hot. Ok, new fuse time! Pop! Same thing.

I take out my faithful volt meter. I check all the grounds, circuits, and make sure I have the right voltage everywhere. All is well. New fuse... POP! This is getting frustrating.

The morning is flying by and it's getting to be about time for lunch. I'll get this thing going after lunch and still have an hour or two before dinner to work on my almost completely remodeled bathroom. (Anyone care to wager if I ever do finish the bathroom?)

After lunch I pull every last inch of wire that I just ran around the engine bay and start from scratch. A run to the auto parts store across the street, then to Sears Hardware, then to the other parts store to collect all the new connectors I need along with more fuses (I'd better stock up). You just had to know I wouldn't find everything I needed in one store.

I spend 30 minutes driving around like a nut, then another 30 minutes re-wiring the entire thing. It's gonna work now. Stick in fuse... POP!!!

It's right about now when the "Ralphie" in me starts spewing more fudge. In addition, I'm throwing tools, and kicking things. Forget about breaking anything in the car, I'm probably going to break a toe.

What the frig! I come inside the house and log on to Flex-a-lite's web site. Seems at some point they had an issue with a fuse holder that they supplied with some of their fans. This is a new model, so I don't think that could be the issue, but it is on just about every page of their site. I'll try another one just to be safe. This is the onset of another run to both parts stores.

Again, more cutting and stripping an fastening of wires. Go for another fuse... Pop! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Unhook the fan... Check wires inside... All is fine. Pop in fuse... Hey, whataya know, it works!! Crank the fan down nice and tight, turn it back on, pop goes the fuse...

Oh... Wait a sec...

Think for a minute... Pop goes the lightbulb in my head. (At least it wasn't another fuse). The back of the fan motor is touching the radiator. That's what's causing the fuse to break.

After spending another 10 minutes moving and re-tightening the fan, I crank it up again and all is good. I take the truck out for a test spin and get her nice and warm. Everything is looking just great! The needle on my truck's temp gauge is pegged about 195 degrees... Right where it should be. (Although now I'm thinking it's a good idea to put in a 180 degree thermostat).

Awesome, I'm now a happy camper. It's time for dinner now... Guess I'm not getting to the bathroom work. Everything is good... Well, sort of...

It's a week and a half since I put the fan in and the fuse still goes every now and then. I think the fan might be moving around just enough on occasion to get some static built up and short out with the radiator. For now, I'll keep enough fuses in the glove box to get me through until I have time to get it perfect, but all-in-all it's working well.

So, you see, Murphy's law gets me just about every time I embark on a weekend project. Shoot, if you have a project that you think I could help you out with, you'd better think twice. It's contagious... Or at least it will be as long as I'm helping. Steer clear of me and Murphy.

And for those of you who were betting, no, the bathroom still isn't finished.

Murphy's Law

2005-04-15T17:59:00.000-05:00

Who is this Murphy person? Is it Saint Murphy that's blessed me? I don't know who he or she may be, but they have touched my life in a big way. I'm sure there's someone out there who knows the back story...

You know the saying, "If anything can go wrong, it will." It's the motto of pessimists all over the world. The odd thing is, I think of myself as an optimist, almost to a fault. I'd like to think I'm a realist too, but it's hard to imagine the two going hand-in-hand.

Murpy's law applies to me whenever it comes to doing any sort of manual project. Whether it's making some home improvements or working on my automobiles, it happens. Everything goes wrong. A four hour project very rapidly makes its metamorphosis into a 2 or 3 day affair.

Case in point: A few weeks ago, I ordered an electric cooling fan for my '99 Dodge Dakota R/T from Jeg's. I got the brand-new Flex-A-Lite Black Magic XTreme 180. It's a sweet setup with its own built-in shroud and thermostatic control. The box arrived a few days later and being as giddy as a 4 year-old on Christmas morning, I opened it right away. Of course I justified this as just wanting to make sure everything that was supposed to be included was in-fact in the box.

Still excited just thinking about it, the next weekend I postponed plans to do some finishing work on our master bathroom that I just completed remodeling (another Murphy's story within itself). My thought process went something like this: I can put the fan in on Saturday and still have time on Sunday to finish the bathroom. ...pretty funny huh?

Saturday morning the fun begins. Still thinking that this is probably something that I could do in about 4 or 5 hours' time, I bum around the house in the morning watching some of my favorite enthusiast shows on cable. I hate missing "American Muscle Car" and "My Classic Car" on Speed.

Finally, I put on a ratty charcoal gray sweatshirt, an old but comfy pair of jeans, slip on my beat-up navy blue Vans and mosey on out to the driveway to pop the hood of the Dak. "Wow, that's a really big nut on the old clutch fan! I'll get to that in a minute," I thought to myself. Four nuts undone and the shroud is loose. I should've known it wouldn't fit past the fan. No biggie... One nut goes right back in to hold it in place while I work on getting the fan off.

I fetch the channel-lock plyers from my tool box and grab the fan nut. Ok, yeah, it's a clutch fan silly, that's not going to work too well. If I can just hold the fan and turn the nut, it'll loosen. No such luck, the pulley is turning. For some reason, in the back of my mind I was thinking that the fan was attached to the crank pulley. Of course it's attached to the water pump pulley, everybody knows that!

Hmm... what now? Maybe if I just put some pressure on the serpentine belt (I'd like to have a word with the guy who invented those), it'll hold the pulley in place. NOT! Ok, let's pull out the handy-dandy Craftsman strap wrench. Nope, no measure of tightness will keep that pulley from turning, not too mention the channel-locks just aren't gripping well enough.

By now it's well past lunch-time and I'm starving. I run out to Lee's Hoagie House to grab a bite and then it's off to the 2nd hand tool store to find a wrench big enough loosen this friggin' fan. I'm getting a little testy by this time.

Back to the driveway and the wrench fits like a charm, thanks to the info I found on the www.dodgetrucks.org forum. I still need to keep that pulley from turning. It's simple, just find something to wedge against the pulley bolts and the water pump or some other imovable object in the engine bay and I'll be good-to-go.

I found some other interesting information on the dodgetrucks forum as well... yep, the pulley is pressed on. No bolts in the pulley at all. Fortunately the holes are there to be used in a bolt on application as well. I'll just wedge a screwdriver... nope too tight to get it in there... allen wrench... that might do it... nope too short... slip... whack... there goes the knuckles.

As Ralphie exclaimed in one of my favorite scenes of one of my favorite movies of all time, "Oh, Fudge!!!" You know the one, it's a classic. I don't even have to name it for you, do I? Only, like Ralphie, I didnt' really say "fudge." I also didn't really say "shoot," "galdarnit," or "mother-anything." Nor, did the sayings go on for the duration of my project...

I can't even remember exactly what happened in the next hour or so. I just started slamming everything I could to wedge that fan and turn that nut. Applying the full force of all my 230 lbs (beer... it does a body good), this thing just wouldn't budge without everything slipping.

Fortunately, I didn't break anything, but honestly, by this point, I didn't care if I did. I was going to get this thing off even if it killed me. Bright idea after bright idea just wouldn't hold that fan in place. Finally I run in the house to grab a three inch screw from my trusty jar-o-bolts. It took me a good twenty minutes to wedge that into the vacant bolt hole on the pulley and wedge it up against the water pump.

Kneeling on the front bumper, right hand on the fan, left hand on the wrench, I push in two directions with everything I've got. Pushing so hard that, fudge [sic], it slips again just as all the veins are popping out of my head and everything is going black... but wait, no... what's this?

"Holy moley" (yeah, that's what I said, really). It didn't slip. The nut is loose! I'm so ecstatic that I'm practically doing cartwheels in my driveway!

I go inside for a celebratory dinner. I've been married for 6 years now, I can read my wife pretty well. I can tell that even though she's happy for me in my moment of triumph, she's getting a little grumpy that I've been out in the driveway all day and not spending any time with her or the bathroom.

I head back out to the driveway to figure out how to get these (now picture Austin Power's Dr. Evil gesturing quotation marks) "universal" mounting brackets for the fan to fit. By now it's getting a bit too dark to really see what I'm doing, so I call it quits for the day.

Tomorrow's Sunday. I'll get an early start and finish up by lunch. I'll even have enough time to get some trim work nailed down in the bathroom... I go to bed that evening feeling like I just ran the Boston Marathon, but I'm satisfied for the day.

(To Be Continued...)

Introduction

2005-03-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

What am I doing here?
So lately I've been pondering whether or not what I'm currently doing in my life is, well, what I really want to do with my life. If you knew me, you'd probably think what I just said is pretty crazy. After all, I'm successful in my field, I'm healthy, and most of all, my wife and I are extremely happy together. Why should I want to change any of that?

Over the last two years, an interest in writing has surfaced in my usually non-creative mind. My first thought was to write some sort of technical publication on Information Technology in warehousing and industrial settings. I write quite a bit of this type of thing in my daily job. So why not do it on a larger scale, attempt to get it published and make a buck or two? Well, for one thing, I have no knowledge whatsoever how to get a book published. Secondly, most people would find the subject matter... uh... BORING! It's not that I won't write this masterpiece someday anyway. I've got quite a bit of it outlined, but there's a plethora of research to do to complete my networking novel. Right now, it's just not on the top of my to-do list.

Other than being a techie for a living, one of my passions is automobiles. That is, big, bad-ass, V-8 powered, brooding automobiles. Well then, I guess the next best topic for me to write about would be about this passion for vehicular muscle. But what qualifications do I have? I've never been a mechanic. Shoot, I've barely performed any type of mechanical undertaking beyond a basic tune-up. Although, just recently, I've done a few "bolt-on" performance modifications to my 1999 Dodge Dakota R/T. (That counts, right?) Now I find my passion growing even larger.

What makes me qualified IS my passion, my love for the smell of burnt rubber and racing fuel. What makes me qualified to write this 'blog on this particular subject IS my interest in writing about this particular subject. The overall theme of this little web space will be, as if you couldn't tell from the title, hotrodding and car crafting in the modern world. What better place for this theme than on a weblog. Those little projects I mentioned just a minute ago? Not only did I find and purchase all the items on the web, but I found all the how-to instructions on the WWW as well.

Now then, what are my expectations? I think I would love to write for an established car rag and enjoy all the interesting perks that go along with it. Shoot, I'd be happy if one of the big name editors even looked at my lowly little 'blog here. For the time being, I just want to bring my thoughts on modern day auto enthusiasm to all of you who are enthusiasts. And, of course, I hope to at least be somewhat entertaining. Entertaining enough for me to keep bringing it to you, and in turn allow me to further develop my writing skills. And maybe... just maybe... one of those big name editors WILL notice. (David Freiburger, are you out there?)

I'm not sure how often the ideas will come to me. I do have a few good ones saved up in my brain, and I will bring them to you shortly. Hopefully, the ideas will keep renewing. Maybe I'll bring you tech articles, or "hot rod of the month" reviews, or just some editorial bantering. I'm not really sure at the moment. I do hope that any of you out there that are willing to read this will find it enjoyable and keep coming back.

-Lee