Modern Muscle

Modern Muscle-cars. Some think the entire notion is a farce. Others embrace the technologically advanced, although very few pavement pounders Detroit has given us in the last 10 years or so.

The very notion of "muscle car" was derived from a no-frills intermediate sized auto with a big car engine. There are those who cannot accept an auto as a muscle-car when the price tag on such a car could be in excess of $30K. Still others can't fathom a muscle car with air-conditioning, cruise control, and just about power everything.

I can relate to those purists, but, on the other hand, I drool at the site of a new Pontiac GTO, the new generation Mustang, and the '94-'96 Chevy Impala SS. There are many of you out there who are just like me. I like the modern muscle-car just as much as the traditional variety. What's really amazing is how most of today's Detroit muscle is faster and at the same time more fuel efficient than yesterday's iron.

Why is it then that Detroit doesn't seem to keep these cars around for very long? Aside from a few perennial speedsters like the Mustang and GM F-body, most of the muscle out there is usually introduced as a special edition and is gone in just a few years. Even now, the just-mentioned F-body Camaro and Firebird have disappeared from GM's line-up. They join the '94-'96 Impala SS, and Buick Grand Nationals in a long line of gone-but-not-forgotten drag-strip terrors.

If you look beyond the traditional V-8 car, even the GMC Syclone/Typhoon, Dodge Ram SS/T and Dakota R/T have vanished. The future of the Ford SVT Lightning is even up in the air at the moment.

As you've noticed, most of the casualties are GM models, but the case is the same across all of the big three. However, GM seems to be the offender time after time. Daimler-Chrysler seems to be coming around by putting the 340-plus horsepower Hemi in just about everything but the Neon. The current Ford Mustang is pure genius. Still, it's too soon to know if these will become victims of the same modern muscle car curse.

The excuses the Big Three use to justify the axing of such vehicles ranges from "the buyers want family cars and SUVs" to the increased popularity of imports. The most common excuse is that there is no interest in the consumer market for these cars.

I don't believe that this logic holds water... well not exactly anyway. These cars are very popular amongst those exposed to them. In my opinion, the real problem is the lack of exposure of these cars to those who would be interested in them.

What is it that made the muscle-cars of the 60's and 70's as popular as they were? It was quite simply grass-roots racing and its exposure to the public. Drag-racing, road-racing, and stock-car racing were wildly popular. And the exciting part? You could walk into a showroom and purchase pretty much the same car you watched win the races on the weekend.

Everyone has heard the slogan "win on Sunday, sell on Monday." Even if the potential buyer thought that the race-version of the model they saw win on the weekend was impractical, it was still enough to get them into the showroom to purchase a more practical version of that model, or even a different model all-together.

Detroit needs to bring these cars back, and bring them back for good. The Camaro and Mustang have both shown that we can have lightning quick cars and still meet increasingly stringent EPA standards.

But how will they get the exposure? Well, it all is easier said than done, but it can happen. Mid-size family sedans are mildly popular in the American car market, but suffer from competing with their import counterparts. Why are these even selling when they're usually more expensive than their Japanese brethren? Quite simply, NASCAR. These models get the most racing exposure. No one can relate to the, and I use the term lightly, pro-stock drag cars. And as for road-racing? There's not much happening there that the Big Three are even remotely involved in, unless it's a Corvette or a Viper. And, let's be honest, how many out there are interested in road racing?

My suggestion is to put the "stock" back into stock car. Daimler-Chrysler is on the right track by putting the rear-wheel drive Charger back into NASCAR's Nextel Cup series. Can the manufacturers make a race car that more closely resembles the actual production car? Both GM and D-C are putting V-8's back into the intermediate sized cars. Rear-wheel drive and longitudinally mounted V-8's would be the next step.

In this technologically advanced world, I'm sure the race-car builders could design a tube-frame chassis that could fit factory sheetmetal (and yeah... I mean real sheet metal). Sure the cars would be heavier, but maybe this would be a more viable way of slowing the cars down as opposed to restrictor plates on feather-light cars.

Drag racing is getting there. Yes, NHRA and IHRA are the biggest draw, but organizations like the NMCA/PRO are gaining popularity. In this case, corporate sponsorship would be a bad thing. However, if the manufacturers built a car based on a currently available model, that was just about race-ready and "not for street use" (i.e. the 1960's Super-Stock Dodges), and could compete in the NMCA, perhaps a buzz would build around these cars that would bring more people into the showrooms.

Sure, I'm not an engineer. I'm sure I'm oversimplifying it all. I just think that in this market where "retro" cars are the latest rage, maybe a "retro" approach to marketing and selling cars would give our American car companies a boost, and bring back more cars that enthusiasts like myself want to buy.

Change of Life

A "Change of Life." That's what the health insurance companies call it. It's rather appropriate to say the least. In my case, it's actually a vast understatement.

A few months ago, my wife, Carrie, and I found out we were pregnant. Ok, not really "we." She's the one that's pregnant... My gut's just making me look pregnant.

Very soon after we found out that we were going to have a baby, we got some even bigger news. It's twins! We were very excited when we found out we were pregnant. However, we were a bit dumbfounded when we were told there were two. All of the preparations. Two of everything. Two cribs, two sets of diapers, formula for two, twin strollers, and two car seats. (Two day care payments, two cars when they turn 16, two graduations, two college tuitions, two weddings... I could go on and on and on...)

Two car seats... hmm... how am I... how do... how will they fit? In my truck, I mean. How do I get two car seats in there. It's a truck, albeit an extended cab. It's got a full bench back seat, but I'm not sure about getting two infant seats in there.

In the initial plan, the one that entailed rearing one baby at a time, it worked out fine. An infant seat would fit in the front with the airbag off, and once the baby was old enough to fit in an upright child seat, he or she would move to the back. We had it all worked out. It would be tight, but I'd only need to fit the baby when Carrie wasn't around. We planned to take her Vibe if we were going on a family trip.

All of our thoughts and plans are being uprooted now. Not only with the truck, but just about everything else too. Much to my wife's distress, (and of course my own) we're going to have to give up the R/T. I love my truck. It's my "modern muscle car." Not to mention, it hauls in more ways than one. How am I going to get all that new baby furniture home without my truck?

My wife's the money person in the family, so you can understand her concern. In addition to everything we need to buy for two babies, I'm going to have to find another vehicle. Something more in line with a family sedan. You will never see me driving a minivan, and I'm not a big fan of most SUVs.

A Durango R/T would be the logical switch, but I'm just about tired of gassing up the Dakota with it costing as much as it does right now. The only thing saving me right now is my 5-mile "commute" to work. I can't for the life of me understand how people that drive gas-guzzling SUVs commute 15, 20, 30 miles for work every day. With what they spend in gas every month, I could easily put my dream '68 Hurst/Olds in the garage... and that includes financing both the car and the construction of the garage!

I need something with a little better mileage. I'm not looking for a hybrid or anything, but something that would get me closer 20 miles per gallon would be nice.

I'm very particular about what I drive. I need something to keep within the "muscle car" realm. It's what I like. I do like to drag race on occasion (always at the track, NEVER on the street). Something that can do the quarter in the 14's is a lot of fun to me, but of course, it's got to be decent on gas, and easily fit two baby seats in back.

I think I've got it narrowed down. My aunt drives a Mercury Grand Marquis. Ok, not the typical muscle car. But it's a solid car with a V-8 (pretty much what's under the hood of the Mustang, at least up until this year). But nah, it's got to be a little cooler looking that that.

What about a Marauder you say? It's Mercury's "hot-rodded" Grand Marquis. Unfortunately, that's a bit out of my price range for now. I've got to keep the price tag under $20K. And despite my current driver being a Dodge Truck, I'm a devout GM car guy. If I'm not going to be driving a truck, I'm going to be driving a Pontiac, Chevy, Buick, or Olds.

I've always admired the Impala SS. Not the new front-wheel drive version either. I'm thinking more of the 1994 to 1996 vintage. This has got to be one of the coolest cars to come out of Detroit in the 90's and I might even venture to say since the 70's, even up until today (save for the aforementioned Mustang... but that won't fit two car seats).

My second choice would be, and bare with me you motorheads, a 2002 40th Anniversary Pontiac Grand Prix GTP. (If only they made the GTO with 4 doors and sold it under $20k... They don't, quit dreaming). The supercharged V-6 lacks the awesome sound of the V-8 rumble, but makes up for it in straight-line speed. The Wide-Track GP's cornering ain't all that bad either. These things hustle, and I've got the stock 14.54 second quarter mile time slip to prove it. My previous car was a '98 GTP. Throw a couple hundred bucks in bolt-ons at it, and you've got a reliable, viable, practical, bonifide, 13-second baby-hauler.

And the look of the 40th anniversary model... very, very cool.

I hope I didn't loose the die-hard motorheads with that last paragraph. It's just that (Peter Brady impression on) "when it's time to change, you've got to rearrange."

Two babies... wow! I still can't get over it. Well, whatever my next ride may be, I can only hope that it will have that modern-muscle feel. That would make me happy... but honestly, all that doesn't even matter to me right now...

The one thing... no, actually it's two things that will make me happiest... my two healthy baby boys or girls.

-Lee