Has Anyone Seen That Guy...

...that usually posts stuff here?

I apologize to you my loyal readers for not posting in a while. (Do I actually have any "loyal" readers? If so, feel free to drop me a line @ lbhurstolds@comcast.net)

I'm pleased to announce that just a little over 3 weeks ago, my twin boy and girl were born. They're both beautiful and healthy as is mom.

Needless to say, I've been very busy with family life. We've got our hands full here (literally -- did you ever feed two 3-week old babies at once at 3AM?). The wife and I have to do it in shifts, otherwise, neither of us gets to sleep much.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a note that even though I've gone on a bit of a hiatus, I do plan to be back once the kiddies start sleeping a little longer and don't need to eat every 2 or 3 hours. I've got about 4 or 5 articles that I've started over the last year that need to be finished up. I plan to start with those and come back with a bang when I do actually get back.

Happy Holidays to everyone, and I'll see you all real soon.

Later,
Lee

Lee Boorse is a Big Fat Phony

I'm Lee if you haven't figured that out yet...

I've been reading some of Al Franken's works lately. If you're familiar with Al Franken, you can understand how I came up with the title of this article. Yes, Al is the guy from Saturday Night Live that played Stuart Smalley, the character that said, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." But that quote doesn't really have anything to do with his books, nor does any of this have anything to do with this article. I guess I'm getting a little off-topic here.

Wow, I just finished the first paragraph and already I'm off-topic. Maybe I'm skirting the issue here... wait, what issue?

Well, you know... remember back when I said something about what my next car would be? I said something like, "It'll be a GM." I think I recall something about an Impala SS. And... um... remember in my very first post in this here 'blog I said something about big brooding V-8 cars? Yeah... that was great.

Anyway, gotta go now!!! C-ya!

Ahem...

I did something very out of character this past weekend. "Change of life" indeed. If I've accumulated any sense of a regular audience for this 'blog, I'm probably about to alienate every single one of you.

I bought a new (to me) car. Nope, it's not an Impy SS, and it's not a V-8. It's not even a Supercharged Pontiac as I've eluded to in the past. I bought a... um... Jaguar.

What was that? Yes, yes, I said a Jaguar. A 2003 X-Type to be specific.

For most people, this wouldn't be something to be embarrassed about. As a matter of fact, most folks would be proud. Actually, I am very proud of my purchase, but I'm still a little ashamed to talk about it here in front of all you gear-headed grease-monkeys.

Ok, we all knew my Dakota R/T was going to be history. No way to fit two baby seats in the back and get those babies in and out easily in any way, shape, or form. I had my heart set on a Dark Cherry Metallic 1996 Impala SS. I kept my eyes peeled for months.

I saw one in the car ads one day not too far from me for a very good price and very decent mileage. It was sold the next day. Months went by and still nothing. Time to broaden my search.

I looked at the SC'd Pontiacs like I wanted, but felt like I had already done that. One of my former cars was a 1998 Grand Prix GTP. FAASSSSTTT!!! But alas, it was time to try something different. I set my price-point at $20K, and started searching.

What the... did you know you could find a used Jaguar X-type with good mileage and a lot of options for under $20,000? I sure didn't. There's got to be something wrong with it. I searched the web for more cars at this same figure and found a few more X-types with similar mileage and price. Wow! What the heck, let's test-drive one!

I'm a sucker for a slick car. I arrived at the first dealer to find the Red X-type Sport that I first wanted to look at was already sold. They had another similar one, but it was a couple bucks over my price range. I still felt like I really needed to check one out.

I moved on to the next dealer to come upon a Quartz Metallic (Charcoal Gray to the laymen), X-type 2.5 with a 5-speed. It's the very one in the photo in my driveway above.

In my only defense to the grease-monkeys (if you're actually still reading), it IS a 5-speed. I just love to row my own. People say I'll get tired of driving a stick after a while, but only time will tell. I'm loving it right now. And in either case, the car is mine for the next five years... as long as I'm paying for it.

I really can't defend myself to anyone here. I just simply fell in love with this car. And it took me 12 hours to come to terms with the idea of buying it. You should of seen me the night after I first went to look at it. I was a wreck!!! This is in stark contrast to how this type of thing usually works out. I'm usually the one walking into the dealer and jumping at the first deal the salesman makes while the wife is chewing her nails off. This time around she simply said, "go ahead and get it, we can afford it." I was the one pacing up and down the hall of our house and losing sleep.

Could I really see myself driving a Jaguar? What it all comes down to is that fact that I want my two new future children to be safe. This is a car that I know has the very latest of every safety feature imaginable for an automobile in this price range. And ignoring that, the 5-speed makes it a scream to drive.

By the way, the twins... one's a boy, and one's a girl!!

Anyway, just because I'm driving a Jag now, doesn't mean I'm not still a motorhead at heart. I've decided that I wouldn't seem too pretentious as long as I didn't pronounce it, "Jag-U-Ah."

Does this make me a phony?

"So what will happen to this 'blog," you ask? Not a damn thing. It will remain just as it is. Some personal anecdotes along with some motorhead ideas and ramblings. I've got a few half-written articles in the works now that I really need to get down to finishing. There's some good commentary (at least I think it's good) coming up and I'm still planning to take a crack at some standard, magazine-style feature articles. Muscle-car feature articles, I promise.

If you've read this 'blog from the start, you'll know that this is all a huge personal experiment for me. Hopefully you'll all stay tuned to see how it turns out.

Things That Make Me Say "Fudge"

There's so many little things (and some not so little things) that really bug me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm very tired this week. I spent almost an entire 48-hour period from last Sunday night to Tuesday night awake in front of my PC, only stopping to take an occasional quick nap, grab a bite to eat, or drive to the office or back home again. Information techonology is a wonderful field to work in as long as you don't have to do the 24-hour support thing.

Well, now I'm very tired, and by tired I mean grumpy. Some guy cut me off this morning. He was in the far right lane and I was in the left. We were both merging right on to a main road and simultaneously trying to make it to the far left turning lane. He actually weaved around other cars that were sitting still to get in front of me. Since then, all I can do is think of the many, many things that just drive me nuts.

The fact that I can't afford to by a new full-size American car for my soon-to-be, brand-new family of four (up from the current two). C'mon, $36,000 for a Bonneville? Thank heaven for "employee discounts for everyone." The Big Three should take hint from themselves, your cars are too fudging expensive.

People who talk on cell-phones while driving. Pull over or hang up!!!

People who can't drive. You know what I'm talking about. You see these people driving and wonder to yourself, "how in the world did this person get their license?" I think everyone should have to take their drivers exam, and I mean the actual driving part, every 4 years.

People who forget that yellow means yield and red means stop... yes, even the first 10 seconds of red. Not only is it dangerous not to follow this rule, but it's just down-right inconsiderate. That's right, I'm talking to you, the guy who's the first person to lay on their horn when someone in the opposing left-turn-only lane comes through long after your light has turned green. You didn't like it, so why are you doing the same thing?

People who drive more than 15 or 20 mph in a parking lot. There's fudging people walking here. Lot's of 'em, mostly moms with little kids. Try not to mow any down when you're leaving Walmart!

People who aren't driving with the flow of traffic and aren't in the far right lane with their flashers on. Sure the speed-limit is 55, but you're driving at a nice, law-obiding 50 while everyone else is doing 70. You may be the only one obeying the traffic law, but I'm the one that's going to get killed by one of the people swerving into my lane to get around you. If you can't keep up, at least move the fudge over.

People who take up more than one spot in a parking lot. There's two varieties: the person who intentionally takes two spaces to keep their shiny new 'Stang Cobra from getting scratched, and the other who is just too inconsiderate to stay between the lines when they pull into their space. For the former, just because you spent $40K on your car, and I spent $13K on mine, doesn't mean I don't want my car to get scratched by some inconsiderate fudge-nut any less than you do. As for the latter, well, you're probably that inconsiderate fudge-nut.

Spoofed web-pages that are just there to sell you something. These are the sites in a list of search results that have the hyphenated web address but seem to have an official sounding title. When you open one of these pages, it's just a list of links to ads that will probably end up loading spy-ware or viruses on to your PC. I found the first 8 out of 10 links on Yahoo were this type of page when I did a search for "Mustang Cobra" to look up the price in the last paragraph. At this point, I still don't know if that price is accurate. I could go on about all the things that bug me about the internet, but this is a car site, so I'll try to keep it to that. But remember, I'm tired, so I may veer off here and there.

Building on that "staying in one space" topic, if you don't know how to easily park your Suburban in between other cars at the mall, then you probably shouldn't be driving it. You're probably the same person who can't seem to stay in one lane when making a left in one of those double left turning lanes. Again, retake the drivers test every 4 years. And if you're going to purchase an SUV, you should be required to pass a special exam before you can even test-drive it.

Vehix.com TV commercials. Are these the most annoying commercials on TV or what? Great concept you got there... "what people really want to do when looking at a car" or some crap like that. The very worst example has to be the spot with the lady who goes in the side door of the minivan and starts spinning around back and forth to get the "360-degree view" of the interior. Yeah, I know I've always wanted to do that... fudge!!!

That 120-year old dancing nut-job on the Six Flags commercials. Make it stop for crying out loud!!!

Last, but not least, this one's for all my Olds buddies out there. It's pronounced "Four-Four-Two." It's not "Four Forty-two" and it's not the size of any engine Oldsmobile ever built. The worst is hearing some alleged automotive expert on a Saturday afternoon TV show about cars pronounce it wrong. I guess I should give him some credit for at least acknowledging the existence of Oldsmobile and featuring one on his show. On second thought...

FUDGE!!!!!

Hey!! Send me an email and tell me what makes you say "Fudge." I'll post some of the best submissions in a future article. Please keep it car related and try to keep it somewhat clean.